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9781741669046Just bought Don Watson’s new title, Bendable Learnings (Random House). Watson continues his crusade against the pervasive lingo of modern management speak. He’s at his best when he’s poking fun at it. Humour is often the most effective instrument for bursting bubbles of hubris, pomposity and camouflage that uses faux competence to hide mediocrity.

I wonder how Jesus and his disciples would have conversed using contemporary management argot?  Mark 10:35-45 presents an opportunity. See if you can translate it back into everyday English!

The Submission of staff operatives, James and John

Staff operatives James and John, moved forward, and proposed, “Training facilitator, please action a request we will select from a broad range of parameters and submit for approval. “ And he said to them, “What do you want me to action in terms of benefits?” And they said to him,” Create a Key Performance Indicator that grants us an outcome of becoming prime staff operatives when strategy accomplishments are realised.” But Jesus said to them, “Your comprehension platform is sub-standard. Are you able to overcome the comparative tables of potablity and immersion in key performance indicators that are incompatible with management principles.” They replied, “We are able.” Then Jesus said to them, “You will indeed meet the KPIs of potability and immersion, but outcomes of the appointment of prime staff operatives must remain accessible to our total staff and customer base.

When the ten heard this, they began to exercise leverage against James and John. So Jesus called them and said to them, “You assess that amongst the customer base of very broad value pools that chief executive officers regulate entire end-to end governance and that managers pinpoint quality/process outputs with views to strategic termination. But it is not so amongst my staff operatives. Whoever wishes to be a prime staff operative must be a deliverer of basic commodities. For the Progeny of Human Resources came not to receive basic commodities but to deliver basic commodities, and to donate his energies as bonus compensation for the customer base.”